Hamlet and the Induction Paradox

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

The events depicted, took place in New York City.

At the request of the archangels, their names have been omitted.

Out of respect for the philosophers, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

Hamlet studied philosophy and mathematics at Princeton, and earned a double PhD in Logic and Number theory.  He discovered a new number which he called ‘meow’.  The number can only be written in 6 dimensions.  He’s explains this at a cocktail party he is hosting at 7B in Manhattan.  Among the guests are Nelson Goodman and Robert Nozik. It may seem unusual to have a political philosopher like Robert Nozik at the same party with the nominalist like Nelson Goodman, and while Nozik’s presence at the party will be understood later in the story, Hamlet, always the gracious host, knows that there is no better company at a cocktail party than philosophers from different disciplines.  Now Goodman tries to show that the number ‘meow’ cannot be deduced without reference to set theory.  It’s no surprise, since Nelson abhors set theory.  In defense of Hamlet, I want to point out that in 2 other universes, and 15 other dimensions,  one of which Hamlet is also a Prince, he has demonstrated all of mathematics without reference to numbers or set theory, a feat mind you, that 3 of the 7 archangels have yet to understand.  I won’t say which ones are still working on it, although at this rate it may take an eternity for them to solve it.

Hamlet withheld this information from Goodman, mostly out of spite, having gone forward in time 4 hours before the start of the party to see how it was going.  Hamlet, being respectful of history, never changes the outcome.  Goodman inadvertently smacks Hamlet as he is reaching for his martini.  Hamlet jumps into the air, and everyone laughs.  Goodman laughs as well.  Hamlet is a good sport, and he laughs.  But it’s not funny.  Goodman is laughing about this new number.  Goodman, having had too many martinis, is walking around the room, singing “meow, meow, meow”.  Here’s word to the wise: Do not mess with a Navy Seal at a cocktail party, especially if he’s been drinking as much as Hamlet.  Anyway, Hamlet jumps on the bar, drinks a Flaming B-52, and smacks Nelson Goodman upside his head.  Goodman’s glasses go flying across the room and hit Robert Nozik in the eye. (This is the very definition of eye-ronic.)  Now, Goodman and Hamlet start laughing at Nozik.  Nozik starts laughing, and the three of them end up at the bar drinking Bailey’s Comets.  As if things were not already unbelievable, Hamlet tries to explain propositional knowledge to the bartender, who just happens to be an ontologist.  The bartender cannot reconcile Hamlet’s argument with Goodman about projectable predicates, and he goes home with a bottle of cheap Gin, leaving Hamlet to lock up.  Nozik, who has an eidetic memory, goes home immediately and includes Hamlet’s explanation of propositional knowledge in his book, ‘In Philosophical Explanations’, which is the gold standard of propositional knowledge.  Hamlet gets no credit, but he does harbor bitter feelings toward Nozik which last for 15 years.  They finally reconciled their differences at the Dead Dog Saloon …  Because children may read this story, I cannot go any further.

Hamlet Hamlet Hamlet, Mingus, and Woodstock

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

The events depicted, took place in my house, 2017.

At the request of the Giada the dog, the names have not been changed.

Out of respect for the Bella the cat, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

Last year, I purchased a Miles Davis album, Kind of Blue, which was voted the greatest jazz album of all time. 

Hamlet hears it playing and says quizzically  “Where did you get this music?”

I told him I loved jazz because of it.

He said, “So you bought one Mile Davis album, and you love jazz?  Miles Davis, really?”  I said yes and it’s awesome.

Now Hamlet jumps on the table, opens a bag of Mozzarella sticks, grabs one, puts it in his mouth like a cigar, and does his best Mo Green imitation from Godfather 1.  “I’m Mo Green.  You don’t find jazz.  Jazz finds you.  I was dating cheerleaders while you were still in short pants.” (I don’t know why he does Godfather characters, when he does such a great Billy Batts from Goodfellas.)

Anyway, he grabbed my iPhone and downloaded Charles Mingus, ‘The Black Saint and the Sinner Lady’.  He said, “I played with Mingus at Woodstock.  We jammed with the Dead on Dark Star.” The story goes, that the Dead were getting shocked by the microphones and the amps, due to the poor electrical system.  Though entirely unbelievable, this story is however, plausible, since Hamlet and Charles do not play electric instruments.

There is nothing in the world like a Grateful Dead concert, and hearing it from Hamlet makes it doubly so.

Hamlet, China Cat Sunflower, Tiger, and Bruce Hornsby saves the day.

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
The events depicted, took place in Philadelphia, PA, in 1989.

At the request of the fans, all of their names have been changed.

Out of respect for the Dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

One of Hamlet’s favorite tunes, Iko Iko was one of the last songs played at the final concert at JFK stadium on July 7, 1989.  Hamlet was backstage, drinking Ice Tea with Jerry, and he was trying to convince him that China Cat Sunflower would make a great finale, but the band insisted it be Knock’n on Heaven’s Door.  Hamlet keeps pointing at Jerry’s guitar, but Jerry persists and now Bobby joins in.  Bobby says, "Hambone, we are always in your debt for Woodstock, but man you have to chill."  Hamlet doees not chill well, not even for Phil Lesh. Hammy grabs a bottle Seagram’s VO, starts drinking out of bottle.  They are listening to Bob Dylan, No direction Home, when Mickey Hart joins them.  Hamlet turns to Mickey and slurs “You are an excellent drummer.”  He knows damn well that Hart will be angry.  Mickey shot back, “I’m a percussionist.”  Hamlet says, “Bill Kreutzman is the percussionist; you are the drummer.”  A fight ensues and Bruce Hornsby breaks it up, but bruises his left foot in the process.  All of this was to no avail, and China Cat Sunflower is out.  Hamlet enjoys the concert nonetheless, and loves that version of Iko Iko.  I’ll share that with everyone.  Oh, and Hamlet pointing at Jerry’s guitar, well, just take a look. It’s Hamlet's image on Jerry’s guitar.  It was for his help with Woodstock.  The Woodstock stuff will be explained in a future or past story.  Hamlet hung around Philly for a while.  He grabbed steaks at Pat’s, Tony Luke’s, and Geno’s.  He ate sfogliatella from Termini Bros, and cannoli from Isgro’s.  He enjoyed the manicotti at Ralph’s, and gnocchi at La Familia.  He spent a few evenings at the Purple Orchid.  Because children might read this, I cannot go into more detail.

Once he learned that the demolition equipment for JKF stadium, included the awesome Cat D-10 bulldozer, paired with the D348 Cat engine, he applied for an Operator position.  Being a friend of Skinny Joey Merlino helped out quite a bit.  It was supposed to be a no-show job, but Hamlet showed up a day early and leveled the place all by himself. He wore a brand new Cat hat, which he purchased at Giles & Ransome on State Road.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMpaD-ktv7Q

Hamlet the Higgs Boson and Ruby

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

The events depicted, took place in Sardinia, Italy, 2010.

At the request of the Prime Minister, the names have not been changed.

Out of respect for the Ruby the Heart Stealer, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

Hamlet discovered the first Higgs boson years before CERN, under the bed of his cottage in Whitstable, Kent.  He kept it in a Pez candy dispenser.  (It’s common knowledge that Hamlet loves flaming shots of any liquor, but he has a drink too many now and again, and again.  Despite being a decorated Navy Seal, other sailors do not go out for drinks with him, not so much because of the excess, but he swears too much for them, which is a contradiction.)  One evening he was invited to a bunga bunga party at Silvio Berlsuconi’s mansion.  His date was Karima el-Mahroug.  She is dancing, and it’s late and Hamlet says, “Hey Ruby, how about we call it Splitsville?”  Silvio goes completely nuts, as he was hoping she would stay at the mansion with him.  Berlussconi cold punches Hamlet with a right to the head, and knocks him off the bar stool.  The Pez dispenser goes flying across the air, Ruby grabs it and opens it hoping for a Pez candy treat.  The Higgs boson, has zero spin, hence it has no flavor.  Ruby spits it out, and it lands in Hamlet’s drink, a Flaming Dr. Pepper, which is already on fire, and the boson burns up.  A fight ensues, and whether you’re the Prime Minister of Italy or not, you don’t mess with Hamlet, a Tai Chi master and a Navy Seal.  The very next thing you know, Ruby the Heart Stealer removes her…

Because children might read this, I cannot go into more detail.