Hamlet and the Induction Paradox

THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

The events depicted, took place in New York City.

At the request of the archangels, their names have been omitted.

Out of respect for the philosophers, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

Hamlet studied philosophy and mathematics at Princeton, and earned a double PhD in Logic and Number theory.  He discovered a new number which he called ‘meow’.  The number can only be written in 6 dimensions.  He’s explains this at a cocktail party he is hosting at 7B in Manhattan.  Among the guests are Nelson Goodman and Robert Nozik. It may seem unusual to have a political philosopher like Robert Nozik at the same party with the nominalist like Nelson Goodman, and while Nozik’s presence at the party will be understood later in the story, Hamlet, always the gracious host, knows that there is no better company at a cocktail party than philosophers from different disciplines.  Now Goodman tries to show that the number ‘meow’ cannot be deduced without reference to set theory.  It’s no surprise, since Nelson abhors set theory.  In defense of Hamlet, I want to point out that in 2 other universes, and 15 other dimensions,  one of which Hamlet is also a Prince, he has demonstrated all of mathematics without reference to numbers or set theory, a feat mind you, that 3 of the 7 archangels have yet to understand.  I won’t say which ones are still working on it, although at this rate it may take an eternity for them to solve it.

Hamlet withheld this information from Goodman, mostly out of spite, having gone forward in time 4 hours before the start of the party to see how it was going.  Hamlet, being respectful of history, never changes the outcome.  Goodman inadvertently smacks Hamlet as he is reaching for his martini.  Hamlet jumps into the air, and everyone laughs.  Goodman laughs as well.  Hamlet is a good sport, and he laughs.  But it’s not funny.  Goodman is laughing about this new number.  Goodman, having had too many martinis, is walking around the room, singing “meow, meow, meow”.  Here’s word to the wise: Do not mess with a Navy Seal at a cocktail party, especially if he’s been drinking as much as Hamlet.  Anyway, Hamlet jumps on the bar, drinks a Flaming B-52, and smacks Nelson Goodman upside his head.  Goodman’s glasses go flying across the room and hit Robert Nozik in the eye. (This is the very definition of eye-ronic.)  Now, Goodman and Hamlet start laughing at Nozik.  Nozik starts laughing, and the three of them end up at the bar drinking Bailey’s Comets.  As if things were not already unbelievable, Hamlet tries to explain propositional knowledge to the bartender, who just happens to be an ontologist.  The bartender cannot reconcile Hamlet’s argument with Goodman about projectable predicates, and he goes home with a bottle of cheap Gin, leaving Hamlet to lock up.  Nozik, who has an eidetic memory, goes home immediately and includes Hamlet’s explanation of propositional knowledge in his book, ‘In Philosophical Explanations’, which is the gold standard of propositional knowledge.  Hamlet gets no credit, but he does harbor bitter feelings toward Nozik which last for 15 years.  They finally reconciled their differences at the Dead Dog Saloon …  Because children may read this story, I cannot go any further.